Insecurities and Authenticity

Over the past 3 months I learned much more than I learned over 3 years !!

I learned the difference between ‘Work For’, ‘Work With’, ‘Be For’, and ‘Be With’

I learned that to be an effective and authentic leader, I need to be self-aware and acknowledge my fallibility, and be with people who can support me when I fail. And listen to them

I learned a lot about myself

I learned that I can be judgmental, controlling, listening-not-really-listening apathetic person, awaiting for praise, and distant (opposite to being present). It’s my personal insecurities that are being projected onto other people when I come to a conclusion.

I learned that conclusion is what we call the state when we’re tired of listening and thinking.

Sometimes listening diagnostically (with the purpose to find a solution) is important, but equally it can be damaging if the situation doesn’t call for it.

I learned that being authentic doesn’t mean being out all the time, they’re not synonyms !!!

Authenticity is all about self-awareness, balanced processing, relational transparency, and ethics and morals.

Think of it as the tree of authenticity ,where the seeds of self-awareness are planted in the earth of ethics and morals, watered by the water of balanced processing, protected by relational transparency.

And what are the fruits of that tree ?? Empathy, having kind eyes, rejecting trait models, and being consistently true to yourself.

I can go on writing pages up on pages on what I think and feel now. But I think I just need to go to sleep.

By the way, I have loads of other pages that I keep on writing privately, because I don’t feel very comfortable sharing such private moments and deep feelings, but may be just may be I’ll start blogging more publicly about being an LGBT+ individual and leader in the workplace and in life in general. And help spread some light.

You don’t light a lamp and put it under a bowl, instead you put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 🙂


2018 – Year of the pursuit

It’s a tradition which I hate to break; on the first day of every year, I write about my overall hopes and fears, what I aim to accomplish throughout the year, what would bring me joy and what would bring me tears.

This year will be the year of the pursuit, according to a verse in Quran which roughly translates to (and his “the human’s” pursuit will be seen/witnessed)

I believe that all I have to do to give my best and wait for the results.

So this year I’ll be pursuing a shift in my career towards more business aspect, more efficient, more impactful, and more connected.

I’ll be pursuing an investment in my own being, my knowledge, skills, peace of mind, and above all, my own wellbeing.

I’ll try to keep trying to reach out to my kids. I won’t give up on that as long as I breathe.

And just like every year, it will not come without challenges.

The biggest challenges I see are:

– the current shift in my life style and shortage of ‘me’ time

Believe it or not, having a car had a negative impact on my peace of mind !! I used to spend that quality me time on the bus, on the train, reading, listening to music, walking between trees. Now that I started to rely more on driving, this ‘me’ time is fading away slowly, so I need to reintroduce this some how.

– living with someone poses all sorts of challenges, living with someone is remarkably different than just knowing someone; different habits, different opinions, and sometimes frustrating situations

– towards the end of 2017 my energy levels plummeted a bit too much, my challenge will be to bring this back up

During September and November I had two major surgeries, after which I closed the page of my transition, however this came with a high toll on my energy levels, being almost continuously ill or using pain killers for 3 months (and counting) comes with a hefty price tag at the expense of your own sanity and will to do things.

– another challenge is to start saving some money for a rainy day

As a contractor I had a bit of good cover should things go south, but now this cover is gone, so I need to do some actual money management decisions (ISA ? Pension ? Etc?)

– charity; yes it’s a challenge

I’ve been trying to do some contributions to few charities, but I want to widen this base, to hopefully reach out more and help others achieve more

– at work, being now slightly isolated from the rest of the wider team is a true challenge

As we moved offices during last August/September, I was given a really nice spot, however that made me lazy going around and about meeting other colleagues, so I need to break this bad habit and get a** moving and catch up with people over coffee or have face to face meetings, etc, so I need to reconnect better, and be much more active.

Oh, and realistically speaking, I don’t think I’ll be starting my MBA this year.

2017 was the year where I bloomed and shined brightest (so far). 2018; you’ll be the year of pursuing a sustainable growth, sustainable success, and a future place under the sun.

World, mark my words 🙂



Reflections on the year of the Bloom (aka 2017)


Hey there,

Been a while, I know 🙂

This is the time of the year when I feel I need to look back and see what has been going on, and look forward to what I can do better.

The year of the bloom (aka 2017) has been a truly remarkable year for me, during which I started driving in the UK (I have a car named Jesse), moved house to a smaller town, moved jobs (premanant role instead of contracting), gained few friends, bonded strongly with a very few, reconnected to old ones, lost a few, and made few enemies as well !!

Made 2 videos which were published throughout Vodafone for TDOV about my transition:

Both stirred lots of reactions; positive, negative.

But by far, this is the the worst I got from someone who was sacked shortly after I left VF Egypt after a severe misconduct from his side towards his line manager !!

Linkedin Response

But mostly and most remarkably is that I think I’m done with my transition; a multi year project which started early 2014, and gained momentum over the months and years. And now I believe I’m done.

During the year of the bloom (2017), I managed to achieve more than my wildest dreams. And I can say that I actually managed to live to the values and guidelines I put for myself during 2017, and completely debt-free. YaaaaaY 🙂

Now with my transition behind my back, what’s left is to live on the rest of my life 🙂

There has been two things/people that were haunting me:

  • my 2nd ex, and how resentful I am for every moment I lived with her, the amount of love I had for her, the level of my stupidity, OMG !!
  • my previous therapist in Egypt, and how i trusted her, and let her partially take control over some aspects of my life !!

If either of those was still in my life, I wouldn’t have even scratched the surface of what I accomplished to date. Both promoted fear, thrived on controling and manipulating.

What I need to let go, is my sense of guilt that I let those into my life and ignoring the signs.

What I need to let go, is my urge to write/talk to them telling them who wrong they were about me. But if there’s one thing that I learned, it’s that the only way to win over a narsassict, is not to engage at all !!!

So the only way forward for me is to forgive myself, and to let go.

There was a quote from Ice Age (you must let go of the past to have a future) ❤ ❤

I’m blessed 🙂



PS. Looks like my Americian-ish accent is fading away rapidly, and being replaced by a west London kind of an accent 😀

Why there’re no posts ?


I decided to take out all my posts from here as it seemed to have given some people more insight into my life than they should ever have.

I seem to have given too much details about me in it that made it very easy for some to identify me pretty easily. Not worried about that tbh.

I just don’t want them to have the privilege of knowing more about me and giving them some gossip material. That’s all.

I’ll probably rename the blog, or host it somewhere else, depends on how I feel about it. Or may be do totally nothing about it and say f*** it !!!

Till then, talk soon.