Honestly guys, get over it !!!

Hey,

To those from the team who decided to dig deeper and look for this blog from the team in Egypt .. To those who decided to gossip around it .. To those who will keep showing those photos to everyone and use it as a material of gossip .. To those who discuss if it’s religious or not ..

To those I say; get over it !!! Whether you like it or not, I am who I am .. So, chill ..

I set most of the blog posts to hidden, because, well, I don’t want to give you the privilege of reading it, and going through it even further ..

If you wanna talk to me, fine, i’ll be glad to answer your questions .. if you wanna gossip around like little bitches, well, knock yourselves out ..

This is the very same reason I always hated Egypt !!! And I’m really glad I left ..

Physical, mental, both, you know what ?? it’s none of your freakin’ business !!

النتيجة واحدة ومش تفرق معاك في حاجة .

سيبو الناس في حالها . من تتبع عورات الناس تتبع الله عورته . وكلكم عورات ..

So, one last line for this post; my name is Ms.Nour Shaker, so get over it !!!

Cheers,

Nour

2017, The year of the bloom.

Hello again,

Missed me ?? it has been a year since my last post (what a cliche !!!)

I hear that once you announce your plans, goals, and dreams, people will start praising them if they’re really good, that gives a false sense of accomplishments, hence nothing much gets really done.

So, This year I’ll adopt a new strategy.

I’ll only publicly post guidelines about my goals and resolutions for the new year, but the details, I’m gonna keep for myself, in a private offline document, re-evaluating my every step against it as I go along.

In 2016, I managed to disappoint and let down some people, and for that I’m filled with shame. And I need to make this up for them.
In 2016, بفضل الله I had a leap forward in almost every aspect in my life, but also suffered losses beyond comprehension.

2017, I’m well aware that you come with lots of risks and worries ahead, but it also means that you also have great potentials and amazing opportunities.

2017:
You’ll be the year of continued success, accomplishments, and brilliance.
You’ll be the year where I’ll become a better, stronger, more passionate, affectionate, better connected, AND a powerful person.
You’ll be the year where I speak my heart, feelings, and thoughts out no matter what.
You won’t have a place for those who question, disrespect, or invalidate my existence.
You won’t have a place for second thoughts, hesitation, or regrets.
You’ll only have a place for those who’re proud of me. Because I AM proud of me.

2017, You’ll be the year of the bloom.

World, Mark my words.

Nour Shaker

Pride and Prejudice – Episode 100 !!

Hope you have a good weekend.
Allow me to give you some context.
Back in March 2016 I joined two public speaking clubs, Newbury Speakers and Ascot Speakers, with few objectives in mind:
  • Improve my confidence
  • Improve my public speaking skills
  • Network with open-minded and non-judgmental people

In no time, I won the club humorous speech contest in Newbury, 2nd place in the area contest, and I was appointed VP Education for Ascot speakers !! Sound amazing right ??

I was handed over the role from the previous VP Education, who happened to be the founder of the club in Ascot, she had her own way of doing things, and she started to micromanage me to do things her way.

I kind of kept up with this for the 1st couple of months, but then I started retracting into defence mode, and then quickly into push back mode, and refraining from responding in an open manner, nor explaining my rationale.

Yesterday, she sent an email to the committee saying she’s resigning and leaving the club.

Could her sudden resignation has anything to do with me being VPEd and the changes I’m currently making ?
Please note that logically speaking, I shouldn’t be blaming myself, nor holding myself accountable.
But also yesterday I also heard the news that the colleague from Egypt (who sent the offensive email previously) is being sacked following a major HR investigation which I triggered by blowing a whistle regarding homophobic and transphobic activities which impacted me personally, my work, and also after blowing another whistle yesterday regarding a malicious (really stupid, possible scared?) activity which caused direct violation to my data privacy within Vodafone carried out by the same person.
Again, I know that logically speaking I shouldn’t be blaming myself and for any of those consequences that hit that lady and her team in Egypt due to their actions.
I just can’t help but to wonder.
I’m well aware that the above words are solely my own perception of things, and how I genuinely see them, and I’m not seeing the others’ point of view.
The former VP Education, had her mom passing away only few weeks back.
That lady who sent the email previously contacted me yesterday on the phone (after my 2nd escalation) just saying sorry, and she told me the backstage of what happened to her, and how horrible what happened to her, in few words, I was moved, and she shared with me details that I personally find horrendous, and would never wish to my worst enemies.
I have been having nightmares all night yesterday where I was locked with people who’re being incinerated, they were asking me to help them, yet I ask them to stay away from me, and just lie on that table to die in silence, and I have to watch them die and turn into ashes.
Could I have handled things differently ? Could it be due to some personality trait that I have that I’m unaware of ?
I was always told that sometimes I can still be “too sharp, bleeding edge sharp”, and someone once said to me “May be you’re still heartless as you have always been” and another saying “probably you’re still unlike us (women)”.
Could I be unknowingly be hurting people ? unknowingly manipulating people ?
Best regards,
Nour

Feeling quite emotional.

Hiya,

I know it has been almost a month now since my last post (Pride and Prejeduice). Since then a lot happened.

By the way, this post is not meant to be very organised it’s more like pouring out my thoughts, and by all means I urge everyone not be offended by anything, I’m just as always pouring out my thoughts.

Continue reading

Pride and Prejudice – The Girl Guy.

For some reason, now I only seem to have this tendency to only write about things AFTER I manage to fully process them emotionally, and after i start to fomalize sort of of action plan and start executing it.

On Friday, I received an email on the work mailbox with the title (The girl guy) with a screenshot from my company messenger profile page, which is now showing exactly the same profile photo as FB.

Continue reading

Breaking the silence.

Today, I decided to break the silence I imposed on myself, i decided to create a beacon, which my kids will be able to find out easily in the future when the curiosity itches, when they decide to look up their names on Google, or look up my old name on Google.

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So I started off with what they would do, a simple search for names and photos, and to my surprise my dead name’s technical blog showed up as 2nd result !!!

And to my surprise the topics I posted there since 2011 are still grabbing attention, hence the indexing is continued. One of the followers there even posted a question asking how I was doing because I’ve been silent there for so long.

That old blog also had photos of Mary as a toddler, and those were indexed by google as well under her name. That’s it, this is how I’m going to do it.

So I created a new page, wrote in it in Arabic, for them to read, a brief re-intro, inviting them to reach out.

Writing those very few words took an immense amount of energy and stirred lots of emotions in me, so strong I kept crying for 30 mins non-stop right after.

There I’ll have separate pages, one for each, with their photos on it, and the letters I wrote for them through out the past few years.

And I’ll try to keep those letters/pages updated as soon much as I can to keep Google busy indexing them. I’ll also promote those pages over my old name’s Google+ page which came 3rd in search results !!

I’m all hope and all confidence they’ll one day read those, start thinking, start asking questions which no one will give them no answers to, and then they’ll reach out to me.

I hope I will be still alive so I can answer them 🙂

Time to get ready for work.

All the love,

Nour

Yes, I Donate.

Hiya,

The last post seem to have stirred something, I received lots of reactions, and responses, so before I proceed with my post here, I just wanted to say this.

I never intended to offend anyone, everyone is entitled to their own choices, and they really don’t need to explain it to anyone, if they want to explain it fine. My last post was just a mere capture of the facts I see it from my humble opinion. I didn’t say that leaving nor abandoning the trans community is bad; at all, I’m just stating the fact that the trans community is ever losing the stable individuals. It’s just the way it is.

My own choice is that I’m minimising my interactions with the less-than-stable individuals within the community in general, not just trans community. But to also maintain my link to the trans society hoping one day the next Nour would step in through that door, seeking help and support, to find me there waiting for her.

Aaaaaanyway, let’s now put this behind our backs. Today I decided on something I’ve contemplating for sometime now. Organ Donation register.

I made my decision, and I registered today on https://www.organdonation.nhs.uk/.

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The reason I’m sharing with you, since I have no family here in the UK, only friends and close friends. I need to make this decision loud and clear; when I die, I would like to have my organs donated to those in need.

Maybe one day, I could save a life. And I personally urge each and every individual to do so, you too can save a life.

I believe that the greatest gift you can ever give, is the gift of life.

That’s all really, nothing much to say 🙂

All the love,

Nour

❤ ❤ ❤