Hope you have a good weekend.
Allow me to give you some context.
Back in March 2016 I joined two public speaking clubs, Newbury Speakers and Ascot Speakers, with few objectives in mind:
- Improve my confidence
- Improve my public speaking skills
- Network with open-minded and non-judgmental people
In no time, I won the club humorous speech contest in Newbury, 2nd place in the area contest, and I was appointed VP Education for Ascot speakers !! Sound amazing right ??
I was handed over the role from the previous VP Education, who happened to be the founder of the club in Ascot, she had her own way of doing things, and she started to micromanage me to do things her way.
I kind of kept up with this for the 1st couple of months, but then I started retracting into defence mode, and then quickly into push back mode, and refraining from responding in an open manner, nor explaining my rationale.
Yesterday, she sent an email to the committee saying she’s resigning and leaving the club.
Could her sudden resignation has anything to do with me being VPEd and the changes I’m currently making ?
Please note that logically speaking, I shouldn’t be blaming myself, nor holding myself accountable.
But also yesterday I also heard the news that the colleague from Egypt (who sent the offensive email previously) is being sacked following a major HR investigation which I triggered by blowing a whistle regarding homophobic and transphobic activities which impacted me personally, my work, and also after blowing another whistle yesterday regarding a malicious (really stupid, possible scared?) activity which caused direct violation to my data privacy within Vodafone carried out by the same person.
Again, I know that logically speaking I shouldn’t be blaming myself and for any of those consequences that hit that lady and her team in Egypt due to their actions.
I just can’t help but to wonder.
I’m well aware that the above words are solely my own perception of things, and how I genuinely see them, and I’m not seeing the others’ point of view.
The former VP Education, had her mom passing away only few weeks back.
That lady who sent the email previously contacted me yesterday on the phone (after my 2nd escalation) just saying sorry, and she told me the backstage of what happened to her, and how horrible what happened to her, in few words, I was moved, and she shared with me details that I personally find horrendous, and would never wish to my worst enemies.
I have been having nightmares all night yesterday where I was locked with people who’re being incinerated, they were asking me to help them, yet I ask them to stay away from me, and just lie on that table to die in silence, and I have to watch them die and turn into ashes.
Could I have handled things differently ? Could it be due to some personality trait that I have that I’m unaware of ?
I was always told that sometimes I can still be “too sharp, bleeding edge sharp”, and someone once said to me “May be you’re still heartless as you have always been” and another saying “probably you’re still unlike us (women)”.
Could I be unknowingly be hurting people ? unknowingly manipulating people ?